What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
15.06.2025 11:42
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Do all you people that took the "jab" feel lied to yet?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was 9 years of age.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I could never make a relationship work though!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
It was going to be , some day.
What are James Potter's flaws?
My family never makes their pension either.
Why did i forgive my father ?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
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But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I did it because my mum asked me too!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Do you think this Labour Party is qualified to run our country?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I don,t even have a pension.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Are you afraid of being alone?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Would you respect the US with a woman as president?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
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He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She loved him until the end.
I write beautiful poetry .
But it wasn’t much.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Was to survive, this bastard.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We all went to grammer schools
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was seconnd youngest,
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
When she asked me how she looked .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I couldn’t, believe it.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
(And it was in our own minds.)
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I will be 64.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
One cannot live in the past .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He knew the spot.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Put me off passion for life!!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
So, i spoilt her more .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
What did i know ?
But, we were locked up after school.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
This is soul school!.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Im still living with it.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She found it foreign!.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My life is so biszare .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Ive learnt so much.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She married twice! .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Comes on , in middle age.
I think the readers, may guess!
She wouldn,t have been !
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And i lived it daily.
Would this be the day?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Who then, do I blame.?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I said to her
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
All the time i was locked up.
She was in good health!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
We were not on the streets..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
So whats the point in blame.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I was very sick at this time too.
I was scared of men, in general
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I waited trembling.
I have no regrets .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
As i do to all so called friends.?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!